updates

so why is it that i read other people's blogs and want to write a post of my own ... and then i get here and it's like i have never written a paragraph before in my life?  

let's see ... what is going on in my life.  

jen's bachelorette party was this past weekend and, aside from a rough rough saturday night after a few too many shots (bleh!), we had a great time.  the weather cleared up nice - almost two full days without rain!  that has to be some kind of new record! :P  i got a little

 sunburned but stacie, jen and i spent a lot of time on the beach and i read and dozed

 ... which is always a perfect way to spend some time.

this coming weekend is the big Stanley black-tie wedding.  i am looking forward to that a lot too. :)  can't wait to wear my gorgeous gown and be all dressed up with dave.  :o)

work is work.  annoying but handleable.  

trying to get back into bible reading and devotionals.  i really feel the need to work on my spiritual journey.  i just have the hardest time setting aside a consistent daily time ... and i have the hardest time not getting discouraged.  i am kind of at a loss and not sure what direction to go in.  i am just going to keep reading and searching ... and hoping.

added a few more critters to my ami army ... and started on a new one ...

trying to keep up with the chores ... be wise with any of my spending (it's good to have dave reign me in now and again!) ... reading a book or two a week ... eating relatively good and trying to figure out how to squeeze a little exercize into my schedule.

sparkly shiny people

i can't believe it's been almost a month since i've posted!  i have like 20 saved posts that i haven't finished ... written in all manner of foul and stinky moods ... and then i go back to them a day or so later and am not feeling it, so i never post them.  and so i thought it was time to actually post something today.  you know, for like the .5 readers i have anyway.  :o)

so ... what's been going on in my life?  well, dave and i got ENGAGED.  yep.  i know, you're shocked.  ;o)  we haven't made any definitive plans ... but we were thinking about a nice NEXT june or july wedding.  right now, i am just enjoying being in this limbo state where there is no pressure and nothing to do except kick around ideas and staring at my ring in various lighting to see where i get the best sparkle!  :o)

(mah bling)

i had a bit of a freak out period, of course.  i was extremely anxious about "taking the plunge" again.  i was worried that we would get married and things would instantly turn into yuckiness.  worried about joining everything and the expense of a wedding and then failure again.  but ... i've relaxed a bit ... and am just trusting my instincts (against MY better judgement!!! my track record SUCKS), the opinions of those around me and God.  it's extremely hard to do this ... but i'm too tired to worry anymore!

and so ... we are getting married.  we have a joint checking account.  he let me get hello kitty checks.  he bought me QUITE a ring.  he rubs my stinky work feet.  :)  he must really love me, right???

so ... what else?  work is ... the same.  i have stressful days ... and i have days where i love my job.  i am convinced that H is plotting to get rid of me ... but, hey, all i can do is my best and see what happens.  and i am trying my best.  i love my store and my people.  i am trying very hard to roll out and follow all the corporate baloney.  and i am counting down the days until i can demote myself to bookseller!  LOL.  oh well.  all i can do is take it one day at a time.

my etsy shop is collecting dust.  i am really into amigurumi ... and have great ideas ... but am too tired by the time i get home from work to really do anything but sit in front of the tv and whine (and wine :P).  and a day off these days doesn't necessarily equal sleeping in and relaxing.  i am ... craftually frustrated.  i am thisclose to just buying crafty things from etsy and claiming them as mine.  lol.  no, not really.  i could never do that.  but it's BAD when i am actually entertaining that thought.

hmmm.  i am trying to loose weight.  i am eating better and have cut out a lot of crap.  but the weight is hanging on and frustrating the heck out of me.  but, the way i see it is, unless i make a "life change" and not just "go on a diet" ... i will be carrying around this extra stuff forever.  so i am trying to focus more on just being *relatively healthy* rather than "INEEDTOLOOSEAMILLIONPOUNDSBYJULY".  so there is that.  lol.  think i'll go have a pudding now.  hehe.

i am working hard at staying organized.  keeping my home pretty clean and clutter-free.  i try to do a little each day so that i don't wake up one morning and the dishes and laundry are threatening to attack.  i do a little straightening, a little cleaning each day ... and try to stay afloat.  dave is a HUGE help (which still shocks my soul!) and helps with the money and budget ... it's just amazing living an adult life with a true partner and not just someone is along for the ride. :)  ok, so maybe i AM making the right decision for a change! ;o)

and that's about it.  taking a vacation day tomorrow and spending it with dave and his mum.  going to try and find a fancy dress for noelle's wedding and the bat mitzvah the week after.  trying to live the best i can each day ... and not let the daily crankiness and stress take me over.  :)

it's all good! :)

good times.

hello all! :)  things have been busy and good these last few days.  had a super fun weekend with my boy ... saw his new show, Neverending Story, on Saturday (really really AMAZING! :)

  and then we, along with Jeremy and Tommy, took a ride up to Mt. Airy.  we ate at a great place on deck overlooking the Shawnee Golf Course (and I had THE BEST dirty martini i have ever ingested with bleu cheese stuffed olives!!!) and then we went to play the slots at Mt. Airy.  i admit to getting a BIT peeved when Dave was up $300 and then gave it all back XD ... but aside from that little bump, we had a blast.  we spent the night at Jeremy's Amazing House and we were going to go to the Crossings for a little shoppng but ended up sleeping in and then getting breakfast and going home.  it was a nice weekend! :)

tonight i made chocolate dipped pretzels and think they came out good.  here are some pictures ... SOMEday i will take good photos ... X(

have i mentioned that i LOVE my chocolate melting pot???

dipped pretzels awaiting their decorations.

yummy.

mittens wanted to play with the pretzels too! :)

pink chocolate ...

i tried sprinkles first.  the teeny hearts looked the best.

but the drizzles looked the best! :)  

i love them!  haha.  and managed to not eat too many! :)

chocolate overload

hello all.  things are good here in the world of jessica.  easter was a lot of fun.  we had the whole family at my grandfather's house and we just had a blast.  and now we have WAY too much candy in the house. XD  i am doing SO poorly at eating well.  the bridesmaid dress on the bedroom door is taunting me each night.  i don't know WHAT to do.  bleh.  i need lock-jaw, i think.

work is good.  i went to west patterson last night to help out at their inventory and had a great time.  really cool staff and store.  and i really got a feel for a good, smooth inventory ... and, again, what H is looking for in a store.  i went to work today recharged and with a renewed perspective.  and i got a lot done.  looking forward to doing more tomorrow!  lol.  i am a geek!  :o)

haven't crocheted much since easter took over ... but i am looking forward to starting something new again tonight or tomorrow.

now i am in my favorite place (couch) watching tv (idol) and debating on sewing or just vegging.  and there MAY be a chocolate cadbury egg in my future.

well after yesterday's bumpy ride i feel i am slowly recovering me again. the past reared it's ugly head in a big way but i am dealing and burying it all over again. kinda weird and trippy when your past and present collide, you know? but the past is a past for a reason ... and it's over ... so lets move forward again and not dwell. still kinda reeling tho ... which makes me so mad. lord life is hard and strange. blows my mind when i think about how close we were and how a single action can burst that bubble so completely and totally. crazy to think about that life ... and how long ago it was. imagine a life lived so totally ... a future planned out so hopeful ... a friend and partner known so completely (or so i thought) ... and then having the proverbial rug pulled out from under you ... and being strangers from here on out? it's just ... so ... odd. and then you live ... you go forward ... you try to heal and cover up the scars the best you can ... and then, suddenly, the person that caused you so much pain and ended a certain life stands in front of you asking about your life? your family? people you knew together? commenting on the weather? how ... stranger and angering.

and so, i cried. and hid. and drowned those surfaced sorrows again. i was shocked at the pain and the ... strange normalcy. i thought i was done crying. dealing with the damaged insides. being mad and sad over someone who really, when you think about it all, didn't deserve any of me. and today i got on like i have been trying to do these last few years. and i looked over at the person sleeping next to me and was thankful all over again. weird how you can be thankful for pain. but, because of that pain, i am here. and i can't believe how lucky my life is for now. i worry about this same chain of event happening all over again ... but, really, all i can do is be thankful for the happiness and love i am surrounded in right now ... and know that, if it dies too ... i was loved for a little while.

i made her today ... and love how she came out. bad phone pic ... i know ... but i didn't have patience for the real camera at 2:30am. she is cute tho, isn't she? betty the berry i have christened her! :)

and now, onto another day ...

the last few days

things have been good here in the world of jessica.  for the past 2 days i was in meetings for work and they were actually very informative.  last years meetings i was so new and so in over my head, they just overwhelmed me.  this year, as overwhelmed as i can feel sometimes, these meetings really helped me put my focuses in perspective.  i really enjoyed them and enjoyed getting to better know the managers in my new district.  i had a real good time! :0)

(bad picture but the next finished ami guy! :)

now dave and i are enjoying a rainy evening at home.  food was ordered, books are being read, strawberries are being crocheted and episodes of 24 are being watched.  i am off tomorrow too ... so i am looking forward to that as well.  and i think i am actually looking forward to going to work on friday and working in my store. :)  yeah, how did that happen?!?  lol.

weekends are awesome! :)

good weekend.  busy ... but very relaxing and fun.  dinner last night with the family and denise, harry and danny was a blast.  then home to watch 24 and crochet.  finished this little guy ... 

then started another one.  Froggie is going in an easter basket for stacie and the one i am working on now is for kyle.  i want to make lots and send them to people and give them as presents!  how fun is that?!

today stacie and i went to kelly's and made these adorable little cupcake candies ...

they were surprisingly easy!  we are going to make them for easter too!  mom loved them and wants to help.  i am sure with the three of us, hilarity will ensue.  :o)

then i cleaned the apartment.  it needed it so bad and i just HATE living in a dirty home.  i did almost everything except the bathroom floor ... but i will do that tomorrow while dave is at school.  and i will *TRY* so hard to keep up with the clean so that it doesn't get gross again.  *sigh*  it is shocking how much cat hair, dust and my hair ends up EVERYWHERE!!! ;o)

dave and i just finished applebees take-out and now we are watching law and order.  i am crocheting on the couch.  i LOVE home and being with him and vegging out!  hence, i suppose, the dirty apartment.  lol.

here's to a good week! 

yup.

sometimes the kawaii images i find online are too perfect for words.  lol.  this is EXACTLY the way i've been feeling lately.  boss visit at the bookstore on wednesday just totally fried my brain and ate away a little part of my soul.  i came home and slept and then drank my troubles away.  yesterday was better but i did have another bad spell before bed.  i'm SURE the pms wasn't helping matters ... but i just really felt so low and defeated.  boss is very demanding and nit-picky.  just feel overwhelmed and not qualified.

musings on the real world*

* not the tv show.  i mean the REAL real world.

and so as my vacation nears the end ... i've been thinking about work ... and what i am going back to.  i work in a bookstore.  i manage a bookstore.  a corporate-run bookstore.  as far as jobs go ... and industries go ... it's really really not a bad gig.  but i just wonder why this all  stresses me out the way it does.  i definitely don't hate it at all ... and i work with some of the best people.  when i worked at the staffing agency, i used to pull into the parking lot and sit there, willing my legs to carry me into the building.  i used to get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and used to think up ways i could "get out".  and i never feel that way towards the bookstore.  But.  i am not happy.  well, not ... unhappy.  but ... there are a lot of times that my stress level is thru the roof.  i worry about being a good manager, supporting and teaching my staff.  i suppose a lot of managers feel that way.  i think i would be a much better assistant manager ... i told dave today i think i prefer to be a worker bee ... and not the hbic.

but then i think about my job ... and what i have to actually do ... and i wonder why i feel this way.  sure there are stressors ... there is in every job.  but do i put a lot of this stress on myself or is it really there?

dave and i looked at a house today ... and i can't believe how excited and hopeful i am ... how hopeful we are at this prospect and for our future.  but we would never be able to even consider this without my job.  not matter how much i craft and crochet ... we could not consider a house without my salary.  and again, my job is NOT BAD.  so why can't i reconcile all of the pros and cons and stop ... wishing for an out?  :/

*sigh* i think i have to learn how to take things a little easier.  figure out how to keep things in perspective.  work hard but then enjoy my time off and stop stressing at home.  i have to (for some reason) remind myself that WORK is a natural part of life and stop wishing for an instant miracle to happen and be able to stay home and crochet for a living (cuz that isn't gonna happen).

baking days rock my socks

a day of baking with friends and then dinner with the fam.  it was so much fun!!  hyun, kait and i got together at hyun's house and baked some kick-ass cupcakes!  from scratch!!  and then we decorated the heck out of them and they came out pretty cute!  kait has one of those awesome kitchen aid mixers in pink and, i wanted one before ... but now ... i think it's now a NEED.  especially since they come in some pretty amazing colors. :o)  kait also had the pastry-icing-bag-and-tips set ... and now i MUST have one of those too and master it.  you can do so many cute things with them!!! :)  i feel a new obsession brewing ... ;o)  hyun also made some yummy looking sour cream custard fruit pies ... that were tragically almost totally lost.  she made three and set them in the dining area to cool and set.  ming (one of her two adorable min-pins) decided to dine on one ... and then when she was trying to save the other two dropped one on the kitchen floor.  i felt so bad for her!!!  but it is kind of a funny story to tell after the fact. ;)  but anyway, we had an awesome time ... and i think more baking days are in our future! :)  taleen and dee from MP also stopped by and it was GREAT seeing some old faces from my MP days.  i miss that crew so much ... they are good people.

so we baked and chatted and i even crocheted 2 arms for my latest ami project.  someday i will finish one and post a pic ... i just haven't mastered the art of a cute face yet.  it seems so easy ... yet it continues to elude me.  i will get it tho ... i just need to spend more time practicing.

afterwards, i picked up dave and we went to ron's for dinner with mom, dad, kyle, jen and stacie (altho she was at another table with friends and tried REALLY hard to pretend we weren't there).  we had a great time as only Bisignani's can ... laughing until we cried.  i just LOVE family dinners like that and wish we could do it more.  :)  we have such a great time! :)

and now i am home, on the couch, and will start sewing after this post.  dave is playing his new puzzle quest ds game ... and avalon quest awaits me in the bedroom.  seems like a pretty cool game ... i just need to get the controls and stuff down.  

tomorrow is the theater benefit, sunday is NOTHING and then monday it's back to the real world. :(  i hate to think about that ... :(  i've had such a great time being off and visiting friends and hanging out with dave.  the real world just messes all this up!!! XD