* not the tv show. i mean the REAL real world.
and so as my vacation nears the end ... i've been thinking about work ... and what i am going back to. i work in a bookstore. i manage a bookstore. a corporate-run bookstore. as far as jobs go ... and industries go ... it's really really not a bad gig. but i just wonder why this all stresses me out the way it does. i definitely don't hate it at all ... and i work with some of the best people. when i worked at the staffing agency, i used to pull into the parking lot and sit there, willing my legs to carry me into the building. i used to get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and used to think up ways i could "get out". and i never feel that way towards the bookstore. But. i am not happy. well, not ... unhappy. but ... there are a lot of times that my stress level is thru the roof. i worry about being a good manager, supporting and teaching my staff. i suppose a lot of managers feel that way. i think i would be a much better assistant manager ... i told dave today i think i prefer to be a worker bee ... and not the hbic.
but then i think about my job ... and what i have to actually do ... and i wonder why i feel this way. sure there are stressors ... there is in every job. but do i put a lot of this stress on myself or is it really there?
dave and i looked at a house today ... and i can't believe how excited and hopeful i am ... how hopeful we are at this prospect and for our future. but we would never be able to even consider this without my job. not matter how much i craft and crochet ... we could not consider a house without my salary. and again, my job is NOT BAD. so why can't i reconcile all of the pros and cons and stop ... wishing for an out? :/
*sigh* i think i have to learn how to take things a little easier. figure out how to keep things in perspective. work hard but then enjoy my time off and stop stressing at home. i have to (for some reason) remind myself that WORK is a natural part of life and stop wishing for an instant miracle to happen and be able to stay home and crochet for a living (cuz that isn't gonna happen).