Saturday, March 21, 2009

musings on the real world*

* not the tv show.  i mean the REAL real world.

and so as my vacation nears the end ... i've been thinking about work ... and what i am going back to.  i work in a bookstore.  i manage a bookstore.  a corporate-run bookstore.  as far as jobs go ... and industries go ... it's really really not a bad gig.  but i just wonder why this all  stresses me out the way it does.  i definitely don't hate it at all ... and i work with some of the best people.  when i worked at the staffing agency, i used to pull into the parking lot and sit there, willing my legs to carry me into the building.  i used to get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and used to think up ways i could "get out".  and i never feel that way towards the bookstore.  But.  i am not happy.  well, not ... unhappy.  but ... there are a lot of times that my stress level is thru the roof.  i worry about being a good manager, supporting and teaching my staff.  i suppose a lot of managers feel that way.  i think i would be a much better assistant manager ... i told dave today i think i prefer to be a worker bee ... and not the hbic.

but then i think about my job ... and what i have to actually do ... and i wonder why i feel this way.  sure there are stressors ... there is in every job.  but do i put a lot of this stress on myself or is it really there?

dave and i looked at a house today ... and i can't believe how excited and hopeful i am ... how hopeful we are at this prospect and for our future.  but we would never be able to even consider this without my job.  not matter how much i craft and crochet ... we could not consider a house without my salary.  and again, my job is NOT BAD.  so why can't i reconcile all of the pros and cons and stop ... wishing for an out?  :/

*sigh* i think i have to learn how to take things a little easier.  figure out how to keep things in perspective.  work hard but then enjoy my time off and stop stressing at home.  i have to (for some reason) remind myself that WORK is a natural part of life and stop wishing for an instant miracle to happen and be able to stay home and crochet for a living (cuz that isn't gonna happen).

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